Posting Under the Influence

OH MY GOD I THINK I AM DYING. It seems my brain has been replaced by snot and it is all coming out of my nose. And also it feels like I am going to barf up my own throat. I'm sure you all enjoyed that description. I just took a couple extra-strength Tylenol, so prepare for a few paragraphs of crazy coming at ya.
So school has been out for a week. Yes, that's right. I am off to bigger, better, and altogether lazier pursuits. As I was signing everybody else's yearbooks (I didn't buy one, they were like 80 bucks because the cover and signature pages turn yellow if you touch them. I guess the school board decided that our memories really needed to be heat sensitive), I was thinking, "Wow. I really don't even like half of these people." I mean, what the hell do you write in creepy Kenny from health class's yearbook? 'Good times in health class, huh?' because they weren't. Kenny is the kind of guy who makes you feel like you need to put on a parka when you are wearing a tank top because he is staring at your boobs so intently, I guess to make sure they don't make any sudden movements and pull a knife on him or something. After I uncomfortably signed my name at the bottom (with the obvious exclusion of last name and phone number; I don't want any unsolicited rapings this summer, thanks), the bell rang for the end of P.E./Health class. We were subsequently carted off like cattle to participate in an outdoor carnival including all kinds of sticky, inflatable fun. My ninja friend Grant and I had a heated debate about whether those air-filled balloon boxes that you jump around in are called Moon Bounces or, as he thought, Bouncy Castles. In short, Grant is an idiot and I won. Mostly I hung out with Meagan who I haven't seen in FOREVER which was a laugh. We got cotton candy and snuck around the upstairs of the school, where nobody was and it was really funny. We saw Pirates III after school. Both of us have already seen it, we just wanted to familiarize ourselves further with the ridiculous mess of a plot that movie is. It's the kind of action movie that you have to just let happen to you. You will find excellence (and historical inaccuracies) in the places you least expect. Anyways, back to my complaining. Why do they have to drag out the last couple of weeks so agonizingly? You don't do anything except study for exams, which in my school aren't even that big of a deal. And yet, you are expected to show up as chipper as you would in September. And besides, what with the heat and my dreams of blue Popsicles, my speech has a tendency to lose its coherence as the day wears on, which can become rather embarrassing as perfectly school-appropriate words such as "organism" or "tests" rearrange their letters inside my head and come out as "orgasm" or "testes". It is a terrible affliction, but now that school is over, I haven't uttered a single heat induced obscenity. Which is nice.

To summarize: They're called Moon Bounces, Johnny Depp is foxy even in dreadlocks, blue Popsicles are delicious, my boobs can stab people of their own accord, and I'm halfway high on Tylenol so I probably shouldn't be writing things for the world to read right now.

Maddy